How to Gain Confidence

I am always asked "What is the key to gaining confidence?". When I start giving a long answer, I get told "Whoa, Doc, I don't want your life story, I just want one sentence. Tell me the secret to gain confidence."

That gets me thinking. How do I reduce confidence down to one sentence? But when I thought about it, as the Chinese proverb says "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" the same applies to confidence. The first step is the most important, since most people never make the first step. 

With that in mind, I think the key to confidence is:

Have confidence that you can gain confidence.

When you have confidence that you can gain confidence, then you start along the path, and you stick to it. You must have confidence that you're confidence can be improved. So many people don't believe that they can do anything about their low self-esteem so they don't even bother. Other people read a book and then wake up the next day shocked that they aren't confident yet. The other kinds of people I meet are those that have been told by others to "just be more confident". When they aren't able to "just be more confident" they think there is something wrong with them!

The point is, your confidence is something that you have created over years. Whether it's low or high, it's taken a long time to form. To expect changes overnight is crazy! And as for people saying "just be confident!", well, if it was as easy as "switching on" confidence, everyone would be confident. The point is, building confidence requires effort and commitment. It's not going to change overnight. I'm sorry if that bursts a bubble for you, but it's the truth. And when you think about it, is there anything in life that is worth it, that doesn't require effort?

Now, that doesn't mean you can't do things more efficiently or quicker. Of course there are better ways to do anything. It's like the difference between driving a beat up old car and a Ferrari. Of course the Ferrari will get you there faster (as long as it has fuel). So, when you think about how you gain confidence, you need to find a way that is effective but also efficient.

The best analogy for gaining confidence is thinking of it like learning a language. Learning another language takes time. No one would ever say that they could learn a language overnight after reading a book. When learning a language you need to work on it every day. Like confidence. Sporadic effort won't do the trick. It needs to be regular effort. The more consistent you are, the better your results. And you need to do more than just read about it, you need to live it! The new language needs to become part of your life. Same applies to confidence.

But it all begins with having confidence that you can gain confidence.

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